People ask me every day “How are you doing?” I sometimes wonder if they really want to know or just one of those questions. In my community you don’t ask questions…people just seem to know and how you look will give them an idea about your situation. Me, yeah that is a little harder to do. In all honesty I want to say I am having a hard day because I miss my son so much. Instead I say I am doing alright thank you for asking. The only people who really know how I am doing are my family and close friends. They know that I am going through a huge transition right now and that I might say one thing and mean another.
Today my family was celebrate
for all they did for our community. I felt like a complete fraud and wasn’t sure how to feel. I mean I smiled and greeted people who may have known me most of my adult life. Problem is because of the stress of my situation my memory is well a bit flawed. I am so lucky I took lots of pictures and video taped scenes from my son’s life. I am always looking for something anything to jog my memory. I have come to a point that I just need to keep moving and trying my best. 2 steps forward 4 steps back. At least I am moving and not letting that part of me just die. That’s why I write so I can keep up my appearance and feel normal.
And that is pure honesty.