You usually don’t hear that word a lot. For me it means standing up even when everybody is sitting. When I was young I learned to give the finger to someone on a dare. In junior high I was the kid who couldn’t tell a lie (“Yes he did do that”.). It wasn’t until high school when I shed my good girl image. I decided no more telling the truth. I was going to look out for me and step on anyone in my way (in my case my parents pure teenage rebel girl). In college I was able to decide what was it I was actually good at. After that my memory is kind of fuzzy. No not from drugs or booze more like putting everyone else before myself. I was a people pleaser. The day I told my ex-husband (some very colorful words) “You don’t care how I feel!” That should have been a warning that something was about to happen. Days later I gathered up as much courage as I had packed a weeks worth of clothes for my son and I…and I left. I was scared to death that he would find me and take away my precious son. Yes that was the good, the bad, and the uh oh I am in trouble folks. I was living a life that even I couldn’t recognize myself.

Now these days I look at life differently. Everyone tells me how proud they are of me. What they don’t know is fear is a pain and it can come at you at anytime.