You Deserve Better
By Sara Gamachew
I began to realize recently that I kept wondering if I deserved anything. When someone is kind to me, I tend to take that small thing for granted. I did not feel appreciated towards the end of my marriage. I felt that I needed to earn anything from kindness to a mere compliment. If did not do something good enough so I would be verbally/nonverbally putdown, ignored, and generally felt guilty for not doing well enough. Readers, do you know how this feels? Have you ever felt worthless or like a piece of dirt? That is exactly how I felt. I would go to bed wondering if I was worth anything to anyone. Was this what love truly meant? There were nights I would cry myself to sleep because my heart was so sad. Did I really deserve better or was this it for me?
I was taught that if you treat others kindly and with respect people would treat you with respect and kindness in return. Well according to my mother I was as close as an angel (of course I had my days *wink*). When I returned home after fighting to regain my independence my body, soul, and emotions were worn out. My mother could hardly recognize me… that was how changed I was. She was just glad to have me back. Trust me she was not ready to let me go again for a long time. She and I have struggled tooth and nail to regain my self-confidence, self-esteem, and myself completely back from the struggled life that I lived. She has kept reminding me to have faith, hope, and that I deserved better. Living in Africa was just a training ground to get me back on my feet. It may not be one of those glamorous vacations that celebrity’s take when they need a break… but for me it was literally, what the doctor ordered.
So now, you know why I took this trip. I needed to find myself and break from the chains from my past. I hope that my story can inspire someone out there to get the help that they need. You can break the cycle of your life. I just take courage, love, and just one-step at a time. I am just so lucky that I have friends and family that consistently let me know that I am wanted and loved.
You Deserve Better