I just redid my address so I am hoping it will go up this time. Somewhere out there in cyberspace is my last few tries. I will not give up! Okay maybe that was too much gusto, but can you blame a girl for trying. I love the saying if at first you do not succeed try, try again. Well that is exactly what I am doing.

I was reading my new project From Hell to Healing to my mom and she mentioned that I needed to be sequential with my writing. So that one is back to the drawing board. Sorry folks we are going to delay that one ☹ it is okay though with my mom on board I will be able to nip this thing in the bud. Hopefully at least. One thing she mentioned was why I used the word “hell.” For one thing, it will get someone’s attention (that is me talking). Another is pretty much how she describes the lasts 4-5 years of my life. By marrying “S,” I put my family in a position that they have never been in before. They have always advised people to think first before traveling the road of relationship.

What people do not understand is that I have not felt that I was needed or part of a puzzle per say. I hardly belonged and have lived in other people’s shadow. Does anyone out there know what I mean? It is hard enough being a Pastor’s kid… but add living in a bicultural world and well you have a lot to deal with.

Did I mention that I have been reading a book about women’s mid life crisis? Oh my gosh, I felt like this woman was talking to me… Literally! I am not ready for menopause. I am just getting used to being in my 30s. I am literally starting my life over from losing my self-confidence and what little respect I had for myself. I remember how my mother went through the big “M.” I am afraid of going at it alone. I know that I am not exactly the most neatest person in the world. I would rather be in the States where there are washing machines and dryers (not the hang out on the wire kind!). Can I say this rolling electricity thing is getting to be annoying? Sure, it was okay at first… but now if I hear someone say it is going to get better I just might scream. Oh and the water thing. Do not get me started! Okay simplicity is something I can bear. I just might fast from watching TV cause the ads for dishwasher and laundry detergent just makes me homesick. Wow, I just let it rip! When I see what could have happened if my parents had come back to Ethiopia earlier when my brother and I were younger I would not have lasted. I love my family and friends here, but I am sorry there is no way I would let anyone circumcise my woman parts. I am sorry but hell no it is not going to happen. I would rather be an outcast than let anyone near me