Something was incredibly wrong with me. On a dumb impulse I went off on Facebook about a random person giving me condolences about my friend. The thing was the person used the pronoun “she” and I was shocked. Only one person knew about Tina’s passing in Holeta. Then I posted a blog entry about my initial grief. So the next thing I did was remove (not even mute) every person on my friend’s list from Ethiopia that I did not recognize. I don’t blame my ADD or grief. It was just me being very upset. It could have been just a coincidence.
Should I quit blogging altogether? What about social media? I thought I could control my privacy settings. At first I was excited that young Ethiopians wanted to be my friend. What was I thinking? If I know them that was one thing. My parents have warned me about this kind of thing. Don’t say something that you don’t want to come back at you in the wrong way.
What is wrong with me? I came to Ethiopia to get away from the exposure. I was just trying to gather my friends to help me get through this time of my life. I just don’t know anymore. I really don’t know if I will go on with my Healing Heart series… at least not for a while. Not with this negative cloud that has surrounded me. It is not me… I am a nice person who loves helping people. That is who I am. Please someone remind me who I am? My greatest fear is to be forgotten by my friends, family, son, and colleagues. I am not that sweet person I used to be. I am just going through this phase where I am not sure what is going on in my life.