Sara Speaks Out Re: Friday
So I received a comment from a new reader today. I immediately regretted posting "Friday". I turned the power off my phone and took a time out. For the first time I let the homesickness pour over me like the recent rainstorms. Only I put on a poker face so nobody knew what I was feeling.
I had started my day feeling tired. My friend had asked me to help her with some training in town. I was ready for a change and distraction from my daily routine. Plus volunteering had become one of my new activities. So I got in early and asked for a milk and coffee while I waited for the group to arrive. I decided to make a phone call to a friend. I wasn’t sure if it would work. Ring I heard the tone. Than it happened, "Hello?" It was the voice of my friend. "Hi it’s me Molly." It was like we never had been apart. I asked about home and politics. I needed that simple confirmation that everything was going to be alright. Than as it got good my phone disconnected. Is this a bad joke? Why? I tried calling back but was told it wouldn’t. I ran to figure out why. If it wasn’t for coffee and the class I would have burst into tears.
I put on my poker face and began my job observing. I thanked God for the 5 minutes I had with her. It meant the world to me. Than emailed an apology and explanation. Than went on with my morning. The joy and comfort of her voice warmed me up from head to toe. It was an answer to my prayers. That and the moccioto.
Than a cold shower replaced it. I had received an email about a pending comment. It was not at all I expected. For a while I sat there. Missing home, that voice, most of all my son. I nearly burst into tears. A friend of the family asked if I was okay. "Yes I just really miss my son." I sniffled. You know that wave of homesickness that comes over you when you have been struggling over what others might consider puny? That was what I felt. Than God gave me a comfort by me listening to my mom’s soothing voice in her music. It was the aloe vera for my hurt heart.
I than spent the rest of the day helping other people. Talking about my adventures in East Africa and America. Explaining how the West was different from the East. I even tried to explain the current politics. I strongly opposed the racism and why people should be united. Wether in America or Ethiopia.
How I wanted to tell my son about where his mother was originally from and blast the stereotypes about Africa out of the water. Sure I was struggling with my new culture. But for once I was struggling with my people. I am a bi-tribal Ethiopian American. I wanted to prove there was more than famine and ethnic issues. There are people who are giving back to their community and making sure their country pride was installed.
I came here broken emotionally and mentally. I had no identity anymore. I was a prodigal daughter far from home. My family took me in so I could heal from my wounds from my divorce. If you knew me 2 years ago you would have thought I was gone. I had no confidence or anything. In the last few months people who knew me before have seen change in me. The word healthier is the most used. My goal is to be stronger than before mentally and emotionally. I want to wear mid heel boots and show off my Nancy Sinatra skills.
So you think I was making excuses for not seeing my son?? No my dear reader. Next time I get to give my son a bear hug he will see his Mom in new eyes. We will play with our blankets and dance hard to music I used to play for him. My son told to me that his gift was broken. Do you know how proud I was to hear that? It was after he proudly showed me his gifts that he got for Christmas. He knew that the video might run out so he made use of his time. My son talked to me! It gave me the inspiration to push myself harder to get better.
Than this setback happened! I wanted people to know what was happening. If I was complaining I had a right. When you struggle and get tired setbacks can be hard.
By the way have you read my past posts? Or even looked at "Starting Over in 2013"?
I may be a mere blogger traveling her native land. I have a story to tell so others avoid the pit falls of life. It may be redundant, but we are all humans that learn differently. After all I am a late-blooming ADD toting woman that is traveling back from hell. So that is my post for today.