I keep telling myself that I am not a negative person. I am just tired of how things are going in my life. I have grown tired of a few things that I am hearing around town. When I heard that the transformer change might take longer I naturally got bummed. In my mind a month was a long time. In my heart it felt like forever. Than when my dandruff got worse it felt like the last straw. It was as if my body decided it was done with everything. So yesterday I went through a few comments on the blogs and decided what little time I had I needed to clean up the comment box. I started with a few recent ones and than things went south (server down). I felt a lot better because at least that took care of a few things. I realized that I had the power to allow people to get under my skin. My mom reminded me out of 10 readers if one is a bad apple at least you have 9 others to listen to. I got to love that woman. I decide that for the month of April I would do more writing. I already started to finish a project that I started in January.
The reason I began writing Starting Over In 2013 was because I wanted to share my thoughts on what life is like in a post break up and/or divorce. I needed a way to vent my frustrations and also see if there are other people going through the same situation. When I left Sam in August I had idea what life would be like. I had been Mrs. Sam for almost four years and that was really all I knew. To be honest after I got back to Washington I couldn’t really remember what life was before our relationship. I knew that I had a life, but my stress had built up a huge wall so I couldn’t see what was past it. Can you imagine not being able to remember even happy memories? Yeah it was that bad. Every time I snuggled with my son at night I saw a little part of me in his eyes. It was the twinkle of love for his mom that got me through the hardest part of the divorce. I remember when he left for his extended visitation with his father that I fell apart. He had been my world ever since I was pregnant. He was also the glue that kept me with his father for so long. I kept thinking if I had tried harder would it have been a better life? I finally realized that had I asked more questions while we were dating perhaps I would have seen things I had rather denied for so long. I remember the counselor I was seeing before he was born asking me was I happy in the marriage. No, but how could I leave. I was a few months from my due date. The summer heat was bearing on me as I took buses to my doctors appointments. I sometimes wondered would I be as alone as I felt when the time came.
It was in March when I realized I was pregnant. I was happy, excited, nervous, and shocked. It had been about a year earlier when I had asked my family doctor if I would be able to have children despite my eating disorder. He had answered yes… but warned me to find the right guy before any of it could happen. I promised him that I would. Little did I know I was going to meet a guy online that would change my life forever. Now almost 6 years later I have been volunteering with children that have special needs. Their young eyes look to me to help them as they rehabilitate from various physical conditions. Yet in my heart a special young boy is the one that I care most about. I look forward to the day when I can see him on my computer screen and watch him play with his toys. Sure it might be 5 minutes perhaps on a good day 15-20 minutes. For us it is like eternity because it is just a boy and his mom.
Thank you readers for taking the time to join me on this website. Feel free to share this with others who might be going through the same thing.
Have a wonderful day,
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