The safety of my blog.

My blog gets me.  It truly does.  It celebrates with me silently as my Twitter followers grow.  Last year I was hoping and praying that some change would come. I worked hard to promote and do what I couldn’t do in the current environment.  Make a name for myself. I dreamed of exporting my first blog over to this one so I wouldn’t feel guilty of writing on this one instead of that one.  Alas that isn’t happening soon.  Oh well at least I tried.

I like my new medical team that is building itself around me.  Going to see a counselor would help me deeply with things.  I openly write and talk about my anxiety, depression, and stress.  They are my strengths that make me want to make myself better, they are my weaknesses when I can’t understand things as they seem harder, they are my tools when things are confusing.  They are a part of me that will ultimately change my whole being.

I have watched a whole season of Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.LD. on Netflix.  I decided if I need to understand the empowerment thing I need to watch it in action.  So far I am relating to most of the characters in some shape or form.  If I can achieve May than I think that would be a breakthrough.  I was not happy with how Ward’s character has turned on the team.  It leads me to wonder if that is how some people are in real life.  Do they want to seem like they love or care about you but just end up hurting you?  Something to think about reader.

I have been reading Kimberly Rae Miller’s Coming Clean on my Kindle App.  Oh sister can you read my mind.  I feel like she is speaking to me in a way I can totally understand.  Reader I occasionally per take the thought that I help so many, but unsure about helping myself.  Will my tombstone read “She loved too much.”  If so what kind of life is that.  Posting on my blog is a way I can communicate my thoughts without fear.  It is also giving permission to my silent ADD to give it a chance to speak its mind and say things I would never think about saying out loud.  I even had someone question me about if I had it.  My answer was I recalled getting diagnosed in my early twenties.  The energy that goes through me and comes out when I get too excited now that is my tool of ADD.

My dream someday is write a book or e-book that tells how I have made a difference in my life by beating the odds that have been set in front of me.  If I can make some money that would be fun.  Until then I have the safety of my blog to share my adventures and slowly recover all that life throws at me.

 

The end… for now.

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