I was telling my friend recently that I have started feeling like a child who just entered the candy store. Oohing and aahing at all the treats. One of the first treats I had when I got back was a trip to Ivars for some clam chowder. This was one of the rituals my friend and I did whenever she would visit. Of course the last time I could recall my son was still pretty young and in a stroller. I can remember wearing my tan boots trying to act strong and keeping up with motherhood. Mind you they had heals that added to my height and we were walking up a few hills to get to the bus routes. Well he was in his stroller looking up at me while I was acting like I could do anything. Yes reader that was my early stages of motherhood.
Fast forward several years and here I am trying to act like I can do anything. I admit I stutter sometimes when I search for the word in my head. I traded my boots for walking shoes that I absolutely love when my feet are cooperating (no stumbles yet in 2018 says my usually clumsy side). I am falling in love with life all over again. I decided to be in a new enviroment with friends to help me through this stage of healing that I am in. I connect with my mom via email and text messaging. With phone calls in between. With my stories of cooking to fill in the blanks. Yes she is pretty proud of me.
I won’t say the depression and anxiety doesn’t bother me. That would be a lie. I am thought trying different activities to distract me from the dark symptoms that come with those conditions. I even found a town in the area Mill Creek that I have used as my exploring grounds. The main street area with all kinds of stores and shops has been my favorite place. I can go out in the dark and find my way back without too much anxiety. Of course it took several weeks and my phone at my side in case I realized I couldn’t find my way back.
A few weeks back I had my consistent cough that loves to drain me of my energy and mood. My SAD (Stress Anxiety Depression) decides to take advantage of that. Boy do they do a dance of joy and prick me with their pitchforks. It was during that time that I questioned myself and whether I was improving. My fantastic support team was their to battle with my depression and remind me that I was loved and yes improving greatly. One of the best advice I have gotten this past week was I needed to be patient with myself. I recall shaking my head and wondering what that was.
So this is me being expressive readers. Trying to find my way back from the ditches of depression into being the creative writer that I am. Keep joining my blog to see what is next in this journey of life.