Normal a setting on the dishwasher and washer.

I tend to overthink.  At least that is what I have been told.  I am totally okay with that cause its something that I tend to do a lot.  As my birthday is coming up that unraveling thought comes to mind.  “Did you realize people that you wouldn’t live past your first birthday.”  I am almost 40 and it still travels in my head.  Taunting me and reminding me that I have had difficulites in my life.  I have pushed myself so hard since that November day that I got on the plane.  Now I am learning to rest and actually accept that not only am I okay… I am awesome (as many people tell me).

I began this year deciding to take a job training course at the local Goodwill.  Than afterwards I felt recharged and ready to find a job.  I applied and applied hoping this would be the one.  While others spent the winter holidays celebrating I was pushing myself one application at a time.  The pressure was on… I had to succeed.  I wanted not to be normal… just be me.

Zipfizz was a challenge and I tried my best.  My heart was in the background at a counter and checking people in.  I became boisturous and loud.  The challenge got harder.  I finally said my piece in a third person point of view post.  I felt the heat to succeed.  I pushed the cooler and freezer hoping to chill the water.  I set my alarm to get more water.  Towards the end I just felt like I was finally getting it.  My training wasn’t great and I was on my own.  So up with the depression that feeling that I didn’t succeed.

Than I began to think back to early 2017 when I made a silent goal to break 600 followers on Twitter.  Even with the challenges I shared with a hope and dream.  That maybe someday I could be accepted by some writing community.  Never in my wildest dreams would I think I would even get in the thousands.  I just had a dream to make a difference and make a dent in my life.

Yes the birth mortality was small when I was born.  But I was always determined to make it no matter what.  First steps are the hardest.  Trust me.  But when you can take that first step the others happen gradually.

I dreamed and prayed for a community that would love and acccept me even with my difficulties.  Stress and Anxiety can be my friends and help me move towards my goals.  I just have to keep on beliving.

My goal for May 4th is to have more than 50 likes or followers on my Facebook Page.  I hope someday as my skills improve I will write a book.  Until then I will do my best to keep brushing up on my communication skills.

This is how I communicate… through the creative written word of blogging.

With love and respect,

Sara Gamachu

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