I started this a few days ago and decided to just put it on hold for when I could write it the only way I could or would be able to.
A year ago I was walking around my little walkabout in Holeta wondering what it would be like to get back to the States. I kept reminding myself that yes it could happen. Just didn’t know when. I knew I would have some hurdles to jump over like where would I stay, what would I do, and mainly how to get the help that I need. I knew from past experiences that ADD was my friend and Stress and Anxiety were my reminders. They were like sisters that wanted to help me but needed to be provided in the right direction. Yes, they reminded me of what I could and could not do. They also taught me how to dream. All the things I could wish to do like cook, take care of myself, and naturally see my son again in some way.
Since then I took my steps towards my healing. Getting signed up for help from the State to get food, medical, and other things I didn’t even think of. I then enrolled in a job training program that helped awaken my retail memories in various steps. After the few jobs that I have had this year, I realized something. I was not the type that could sell things. I could suggest them and give tips. I was more comfortable being the support staff. At the spa, I realized the scanning information became something I could do. Entering the information was another thing that gave me joy. “Would you like tea or water?” Making the coconut water in the morning went from a step by step motion to something that became naturally.
Now I am back at my drawing board deciding what my next venture would be. I knew for sure a desk job would be ideal. Work in an office environment would be wonderful because I would be using my office skills. My Worksource case manager and several others are giving me lead on where to apply. I am just thinking through and picturing myself in each scenario to see if it would be the right place for me.
If there is one thing about me that you might have noticed is that I don’t give up so easily. I may take time to think (or over-think I admit) things through. It would save me and others time to make sure the choice is a right one.