Sunday Thoughts.

I am not sure what this feeling is.
I haven’t had it in a while.
I feel like things are going to be okay.
Sure I am back to the job search again.
This time I feel more confident about how it’s going to work.
After watching Set Up on Netflix I realized that I was similar to Harper.  I had things I dreamed of doing.  Just not enough time to actually do it.  I started adding various organizing to do apps to my phone just so I could get my days set up.  The best part was that I was able to visualize appointments as they came instead of dreading and wondering what was about to happen.
Yesterday as I was updating my Indeed profile I felt this confidence come over me.  It was as if I knew what I wanted.  It didn’t need to be my dream job.  I didn’t need to be a I had to have a job.  It was a “I know what I want now lets see if we could find it.”
After so many years of cheering people on and hoping for the best of others my body felt drained.  I wanted so badly to continue being the cheerleader.  My soul was still in it… yet the rest of me wondered “What about me?”  I felt the light house in me go from a shimmering light to a barely blinking out to the distance.
How was my son going to find me if I couldn’t even find myself.  It was something that would constantly wonder in my mind.  Most jobs these days confirmed that I was not a good fit.  That perhaps something else would come my way.  That was why I took a week off from everything.  My insides felt exhausted from trying so hard to please everyone.  Everyone but me.  I realized I could work one day on the weekend… but not both.  I needed time to recharge my batteries and be ready to smile and greet people.
I also realized I was a server.  I loved helping people.  That was my thing.  Being able to make a difference in a person’s life.  That was my mantra.
To be continued………………..

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