It’s been a few months since I sat at my laptop to write. The last few months I was doing some reading (you can see my stats on my Twitter profile) watching videos on Prime Video, and of course my music on Amazon Music. Yes, I am learning to be an Amazon kind of gal.
This year I made a choice to come back to Western Washington. It was a long time of thinking and praying. I kept my plan of keeping offline with some pictures on Instagram of my crochet projects. I realized that a lot of things were getting tougher for me to do. I am hoping to be able to share more about this in later posts.
One of the best things I have decided to do this year joined the 52 Small Challenges on the Mighty. Each week I have been posting new things I have done on my profile to help me take care of myself by using self-care topics posted weekly. I usually have a hard time keeping up with things. I either get distracted by things or forgetful. I have had to learn to feel guilty if I forget to post things during the week and post on a Sunday. The best part that everyone has been very helpful and kind with their suggestions. One of the things I have discovered is that I have been worrying about what people think and forgetting about how it makes me feel. This was one of the reasons I didn’t write for a long time. I felt guilty for not keeping up with my writing. I suddenly realized that maybe I was zapping my energy worrying about others that I could have used that to make a difference or write about it.
In May I spent a lot of time going to doctors and specialists trying to figure out why my back was still hurting. I started to learn how to take the bus between my area and Spokane. The medical specialists couldn’t quite understand from the x rays why the pain was switching back and forth. Upon a suggestion from my PCP, I started seeing a scoliosis specialist who helped people with severe scoliosis. I suddenly found out that scoliosis that I had back in junior high didn’t go away. Actually, the metal rods in my spine attached to my spine were still there. As I grew in the last 20 some years my body tried to adjust to the condition. Partially I wanted to cry because nobody explained to this to me. I would take some Ibuprofen or Tylenol to help with the pain that would occur. What I was soon discovered that scoliosis never left my body. The rods would help, but that it would be a life long condition that I would need to learn how to do exercises to help with the pain.
The specialist that my doctor has recommended me to see was a Pilates instructor who herself had severe scoliosis (the new diagnosis for me). So while I waited for the referrals to go through (which could take a long time) I decided to make an appointment with the said specialist. I have to tell you it was relieving to find someone who not only knew what they were talking about, yet could also explain to me why my body was acting in ways that were totally new to me.
So for several weeks I would travel by bus to this appointment and do exercises at home. I tried to educate myself and learn things I hadn’t known about like why my feet would stick out in a different direction while I walked. I also gave myself a break and rested more. I hadn’t realized that my left side of my body was literally trying to balance the rest of me and in short, it got very tired. That explained why I was more tired than normal. I had been eating and increased my water intake. Adding my flavors to water and drinking from my Starbucks 16 oz container. It started getting to be normal and felt a little better.
While on my break I decided to weed through my comment sections. Someone actually said that they were disappointed and wished they hadn’t read the post that they were commenting on. Others were saying that I was trying to get attention. This was after I made a video and published my last post. My heart broke and I started to doubt my writing skills. Then suddenly one really caught my eye. They said that I should go ahead and take a break and write when I felt like it. That was when I realized that wasn’t a bad idea.
It was about that time that I was looking and planning on my move. I decided to spend time with my cousin and her daughter. This sweet young girl was a God sent. Once school was done she and I got to spend some bonding time. I set aside my writing, reading, and other activities that I thought were important at the moment. She taught me the fundamental thing about being a person. Having fun. I set aside the scarf I was crocheting for her and traded it in for some modern (for me mind you since it has been ages since I played a video game) video games. I was learning how to use a Wii. Mind you I have only heard of this game player and not actually used it. Boy did I get an education! We started with Zelda and then a game about Smash Brothers. I didn’t know what I was doing. I just pressed the keys and just squealed with delight. My character was jumping doing martial arts moves and actually beating the computer. It was fantastic! I felt like a little kid again. My young teacher was squealing with me every step of the way and complimenting my moves. “How did you do that Aunt Molly?” I would shrug my shoulder and sheepishly smile. I was just having fun and I loved it. I could adjust a pillow against my back and relax and try to figure things out. When it was her turn I would just watch her and compliment her each round. She was training me to live at such a young age. I loved her for it.
Well, it has been a few days since I started this post. I was just looking through it on my Chrome browser and saw the animation of the photos. I felt pretty good about myself. It is as if part of me is coming back to life. And the emoticon Molly looks awesome if I don’t say so myself. I decided to make a new Facebook Page since that is the few ways that I could publish my posts on Facebook. Well, the thing is that I was going back and forth with my Instagram account making it business or personal. I thought sure why not and of course it gave the page as an option. So I told myself okay try it again only this time take your time and learn about it not just put things on. In fact, I thought if I started sharing pictures and posts of pages that I felt were close to how I felt that would be a good way to go.
Now that I am getting settled in I figured between reading the books on my Kindle app and watching videos on my Prime Video App I could get a chance to write out my thoughts and sharing it with my readers. It was also a big reason why I went ahead and created the Sara Gamachu page on Facebook. I felt it was time to come out of the shadows of fear. My dreams are to someday be an inspirational speaker. I also want to create a safe place for people to talk about what’s on their hearts. For the single parents who are taking care of their children. For the grandparents who might be raising their grandchildren so their children can go back to school or make ends meet. For the people who are helping those with special needs. Caregivers family members, and everyone in between. I want you to know you are not alone!