How I learned to start over in 2013.



It is a nice Sunday with my Spotify playing a new playlist that I have come to enjoy. It is the Have A Great Day playlist. There are times that I need something to keep me optimistic and just plain happy. I have been finding different playlists that seem to match my mood or what I want to feel like. My favorites are the ones that I could create myself. I have a few of those on my profile. To me music is as much as a medicine as a pill perhaps even better.

I have been thinking about this .whole social distancing. As a person that likes to help people I would find it difficult. I mean how to you help someone when you are not even figuring out how to look them in the eye. I felt overwhelmed because standing at my station and people continuously putting things on the belt and thinking I can get them out either faster or as accurate as I could. I started feeling like a lifeless robot who was trying to smile, but could squeeze out a grin without laughing in that way that shows my exhaustion.

Yes I was earning money, yet my whole being was feeling like a robot. I tried to smile and just be myself. The problem was that the anxiety in my body kept asking me is this real or could this my last day. As negative thoughts swarmed inside my head I was trying to keep myself calm. I mean how could you stay calm when your mind was in the middle of a civil war inside my mind?

I had to ask myself what makes me happy. Here is what I came up with:

  1. Listening to music
  2. Watching videos/movies/TV shows
  3. Doodling in my notebook
  4. Reading a book and imagining myself in that world.

Here it is Monday and I have still so much I want to write about. My mind is telling me that I need to relax and just write. When you are dealing with Anxiety you have to try to not listen to the negative thoughts in your head. The ones that tell you that nobody will read this. When you are healing from emotional wounds you have to block out the negative thoughts or just stick some earphones out to drown out the negativity. It has taken me months to decided to make my writing get back online. I had been working hard and realized something was missing in my life. I would work and realize I wanted to write, yet I needed to make time to get the thoughts out.

Whether it takes days to write something or just a few moments it can mean more to someone reading this. They might be needing a little hope in this dark chapter in our world’s history. I decided to add a group to my Facebook page. I want to invite people to join and put your two cents in about how you are feeling. Do you find this social distancing to be difficult. Maybe you are a parent who is taking care of your children while trying to work remotely. One of the things I enjoyed about my job is talking with mom’s who have their “me”time as they walk through the store and get supplies like food or a new outfit. I wish them a good day and with a smile I send them on their way.

Now we are into Tuesday. This is turning more into a journal like post if anything. I have taken another step in making this my blog site by adding a domain. This is kind of exciting and making it officially mine. I took on the Premium plan and using an awesome looking theme. It was a wish to do something like this someday. Now I am taking the chance and leaping creativity head first. I have missed writing on my blog for a long time. It was like a missing piece or cog inside of me. I kind of told myself if I had time that this would happen. Well guess what I have time. No I haven’t quit my job. I am taking a much needed break. Perhaps someday when I am comfortable enough I will talk about what happened.