My blog gets me. It truly does. It celebrates with me silently as my Twitter followers grow. Last year I was hoping and praying that some change would come. I worked hard to promote and do what I couldn’t do in the current environment. Make a name for myself. I dreamed of exporting my first blog over to this one so I wouldn’t feel guilty of writing on this one instead of that one. Alas that isn’t happening soon. Oh well at least I tried.
I like my new medical team that is building itself around me. Going to see a counselor would help me deeply with things. I openly write and talk about my anxiety, depression, and stress. They are my strengths that make me want to make myself better, they are my weaknesses when I can’t understand things as they seem harder, they are my tools when things are confusing. They are a part of me that will ultimately change my whole being.
I have watched a whole season of Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.LD. on Netflix. I decided if I need to understand the empowerment thing I need to watch it in action. So far I am relating to most of the characters in some shape or form. If I can achieve May than I think that would be a breakthrough. I was not happy with how Ward’s character has turned on the team. It leads me to wonder if that is how some people are in real life. Do they want to seem like they love or care about you but just end up hurting you? Something to think about reader.
I have been reading Kimberly Rae Miller’s Coming Clean on my Kindle App. Oh sister can you read my mind. I feel like she is speaking to me in a way I can totally understand. Reader I occasionally per take the thought that I help so many, but unsure about helping myself. Will my tombstone read “She loved too much.” If so what kind of life is that. Posting on my blog is a way I can communicate my thoughts without fear. It is also giving permission to my silent ADD to give it a chance to speak its mind and say things I would never think about saying out loud. I even had someone question me about if I had it. My answer was I recalled getting diagnosed in my early twenties. The energy that goes through me and comes out when I get too excited now that is my tool of ADD.
My dream someday is write a book or e-book that tells how I have made a difference in my life by beating the odds that have been set in front of me. If I can make some money that would be fun. Until then I have the safety of my blog to share my adventures and slowly recover all that life throws at me.
The end… for now.
So many things I want to say. So much has happened in the last few days. I finished my training a week ago. It was hard, yet I made it through and received my certificate the next day. In a few days it will be four months since I began this chapter of my return. I finally saw a doctor who is looking into getting me a counselor to help me with my anxiety. I got my eyes checked and then ordered my glasses with no pressure on me that I had felt that day. Pressure to me is a friend of anxiety who partners up with occasionally with depression. So there you have it. I am a woman who is dealing with a lot and still keeps going. I decided to apply for a job that would match my personality. It’s not in the retail business… but it needs my office expertise. You know what that is okay. As I trained my mind became enlightened about things I liked to do and things I could do. I loved working on computers and using the programs to help other people. I was one of those self-taught people because I had a difficulty learning under different teaching styles. Yes I am a certified Teacher’s Assistant, yet right now I want to give my attention to other skills that need to grow. Like using Excel and database type of programs. I have always dreamed of being an office manager scheduling things and supporting others in the background. Now that is making a difference in a company.
Its been a tiring path returning to my dear Washington State. The beauty that I could only dream of is now my reality. I haven’t seen it in sometime so I am asking my friends whether it was in the norm or not. After 4 years in Africa things looked a lot more different from I could recall. The mountains look refreshing and the snow looked quite alarming. I am constantly recalling when I was young how I loved it… now not so much. Its cold and my body has not quite readjusted to things.
I am a housemate to on my oldest friends who has been able to help me cope with so many changes. She reminds me about when we were young and how we learned how to deal with the culture of the time. Mind you it was the 80s and well for a kid and life was an adventure. She teaches me about how time has changed since I left and why things seem like some strange alternate universe. She is patient when I explain things I saw and what they might or really meant. Plus she reminds me that I am a superstar for living my life as I have the last few years.
I cleaned up my LinkedIn profile and added as my current position as a Creative Writer Blogger at Large. I had realized that my last one was a bit long and windy. So with a little creativity I shortened it. I am hoping by my birthday to be a worker and not just blogger. I love blogging… yet many people have asked me if I would write a book. I wanted to say that my blog is my simple version of a book. I want to build an audience and not just put out a book. People don’t realize there is so much to the process. You need to be confident with your skills. Build yourself and the world up to what you can do. I am confident about my writing skills. I have even thought of taking a creative writing course when things begin to settle down in my life. So until then I am very comfortable with my writing on my blogs.
I just realized how incredible it would be if I make it to 1000 words on this post. It would be a huge accomplishment in my life. Another thing I have wanted to blog about is living as a Third Culture Life. I was born in Ethiopia, raised in Washington State, traveled back to Ethiopia, and have made a full circle by returning to where I grew up. How many people can say they have done that in their life? Also I have come to realize many people might view me as an English Second Language speaker. I like to joke that I am English Speedy Language because I tend to talk really fast (especially when I am excited or comfortable around someone). Its a mistake to think that of anyone anywhere. When I was traveling the biggest question was why I didn’t speak Oromo or Amharic. My parents made the choice to stay in America so we could get an education. So that meant learning the local language. Now I want to tell people if you can figure out the grammar rules of English and still make a sentence or conversation than more power to you. Also for the record I do understand Amharic audibly. I just have a difficulty responding orally.
Even with my weaknesses I try to manage my way to turn them into strengths. That is what I want to help people see. We are all alike. Strength, Intelligence, and all the fun stuff put together. You just have to figure out to work together. There are leaders and followers…. then there are the followers who become leaders. I feel that I am in that transition of figuring out where I am in that table.